Most of us in our adult years would like to think that we know ourselves. But have you ever wondered if you actually know the TRUTH about yourself?
Recently I have made a new discovery in a series of many, about my now middle-aged self. It is painful at this age, to discover something completely new as you may imagine. It is humbling as well as mind expanding to put it mildly.
I used to think I was strong and indestructible, capable of pushing through my life no matter what obstacle I faced. But after several revelations, I've come to the conclusion that I only had an impression that I was strong because I did not allow myself to feel.
Although I am just beginning to tap into the core of myself, it took me a very long time to get to this stage in my inner journey. The process of honest self-examination was made possible only because I arrived at the right place at the right time, psychologically.
I believe there must be people out there who haven’t even touched the surface of who they really are. And I am guessing that those who open their inner-self for scrutiny may be many but not the majority.
In my view it takes three essential components that must come together for the process to take place. First component we need which would act as a catalyst for this self- progression is an opportunity for an event that warrants such close examination of self. The second is the will to recognize the need to do so, and the third is the courage to see it through. It is often frightening to look into a part of yourself that is unknown. It’s so frightening when it gets closer to the core, that some of us refuse to acknowledge there is anything more to look into at all. It would be ideal, if support of a well-educated and experienced counselor is available to help you better understand the context of what you are seeing.
They say most people are not truly “awake” as an adult until they are in their mid 30s. They work their way toward the core of themselves and get closer to the truth in the mid to late 40s. I am just about on schedule. My process of awakening began slowly a little more than10 years ago and it hasn’t stopped. It has accelerated in the last few years. It may slow down at times but I don’t expect it to ever end because I don’t intend to let it end.
This blog is about my personal growth and discoveries, as an ordinary woman of Japanese decent who moved to US over 30 years ago. I have taken some detours which helped develop empathy and respect for people in struggle, for their resilience and their personal success. I am yet to dig out more of what I’m actually made of, and in order to facilitate myself as well as others like me to further self-explore, I would like to leave a record of what I have discovered so far, along with some memorable incidents that shaped the person that I am today.
If you would like to come along with me, or drop in from time to time, you are most welcome.
Yuko, I believe I know exactly what you mean and I have been on such a journey. However, I do not believe it is just into myself. Rather, it is into myself in response to society. I have my notes and work on them, letting them remind me how I see things or should see them, or need to correct them, to feel and keep the power of understanding what is happening. I wish you good luck with this blog and I will follow you.
ReplyDeleteRon, welcome! It's great to see you here. I'm in total agreement with you regarding how we respond to society.
ReplyDeleteI believe It is the combination of environment/culture we grow up in, our natural tendency we were born with, and our relationship with our parents that determine how we are formed.
When I took off a blinder that I didn't know I had on, I managed to see things that I couldn't see before. It was then that I started to understand a little more. Since then I managed to correct or adjust my views over many things, but I know more is coming.
I'd like to thank you for reading my first blog and leaving a comment. I feel honored that you are joining me.
Yuko-san
ReplyDeleteI was really happy to hear that you started your blog again! I was most intrigued by this sentence "I only felt strong because I did not allow myself to feel". This just tells me that you have what it takes to get to the core of who you really are. I am only starting my own journey of self-discovery, and I'm write on the schedule you mentioned :-) I will be following you on your journey.
Looking forward to the next post!
I got here from your tweet and was impressed to see you had been in the U.S over 30 years. I just came here one year ago. I cannot imagine how hard you moved such a long time ago because no Internet, no information at that time. I'll visit here sometimes to find some hints to live the life well in the U.S.
ReplyDeleteThank you Etsuko! You know meeting you when I did feels like it was meant to be for me. Getting to know you and what you do have provided a final push to start on a project I had in mind for a long time. I thank you for being an inspiration, and welcome aboard!
ReplyDeleteWelcome Sean! Thank you for stopping by. We all wonder how we managed without cellphones before they were widely used in our society, don't we? But it actually wasn't so bad when we didn't have them. LOL I think same can be said about many things. I see that you have a blog as well. I am looking forward to see how it is for a young Japanese student of today who studies abroad, and exchange our thoughts on things.
ReplyDeleteYuko, thank you for such a very clear, insightful and interesting look into some of the driving forces and challenges that were at work in your life story to date. I found your blog to be an exceptionally well done portrayal of an adventuresome, determined individual who met and surpassed many challenges associated with leaving the safety of family and a known society to create a very meaningful existence in a widely different culture. You have certainly done well by almost any measure!
ReplyDeleteFinally, you are indeed very articulate. You have expressed some of the more subtle and abstract facets of life in your story! Interesting and very well done, friend. I hope you will regard your blog as a work in progress and that you will keep writing as future events unfold. Cheers and best wishes!
Thank you so very much Ernie, for taking interest in my writing, and your kind encouraging words! It helps me see that my experiences so far are not unique to me, rather, they are something many people experience through the course of their lives. Your comment as well as others' are fueling my motivation to be stronger, to write what I'm setting out to write. Cheers and best wishes to you too, good friend!
ReplyDeleteThank you Yuko, it is brave to share these experiences. Unfortunately, many people have similar skeletons in their cupboards and never dare to expose them.
ReplyDeleteI am glad that you can get over your past sadness and that you can have the support and love from the people around you. Take care!
Anna,
ReplyDeleteWonderful to hear from you! Yes, I believe the hurt I've carried for a long time is not anything too unique. I am going through many shifts in my emotions, and it is easy to imagine how difficult for other people to talk about their hurt. I feel this process has already been a great learning experience for me. And I feel good right now.
Thank you and I am grateful.
Yuko, though you don't think what you did was brave, I am still awed by it. Your self-reflections to me are yet another act of courage. And thank you for the quote about not being awake till one is 30 and working to find one's core as one gets older. That's exactly how I feel. I always feel like I haven't found myself, and at the same time feel embarrassed about it since aren't only teenagers supposed to have this kind of angst, such identity crisis? Thank you for inviting us to go on the journey with you...
ReplyDeleteThe Absence of Alternatives,
ReplyDeleteIt is so good to see you here. Like you, I was relieved to hear from one of y mentors the phrase about when we become awake. LOL
I think one is brave if one can be open to oneself, accept oneself as they truly are. I only revealed a portion of what I held inside so far, and I feel so free.
Welcome. I look forward to many more discoveries with you along side.